un birthday

IMG_6637editHave you ever found yourself lost in a crowd of people? You are one person among a sea of many faces. It is easy to be overlooked, you can go unseen, unnoticed and people just pass you by. Just another face in a sea of many.

That is how I feel about my birthday. I am a leap year baby, only having my birthday every four years. When it is not a leap year my birthday is not really today or tomorrow just somewhere in between. It goes by overlooked, unseen, unnoticed, it just passes by.

This feeling had settled in my soul without me even realising it. Every time my un birthday would come around I would feel so sad. I thought it was just about turning another year older but it couldn’t be that as life has just got better with each passing year. The feeling was related to the non event of my birthday.

There is still parties and cake and presents and an abundance of love and affection towards me from those that love me but there is still something lingering. My birth date missing from every year is like a constant reminder that I feel overlooked, unseen, unnoticed, passed by.  A lie that I have partnered with for so long but not even realizing it.

So many people suffer from feeling this way, we struggle with our sense of identity. We feel lost in the sea of people and are just waiting for somebody to pick us out of the crowd, to stop and take notice.

I am learning the importance of declaring things over myself. If I stand and say that I am lost in the crowd, that I am not important enough to be noticed then I will start to really believe them. Instead I need to stand and declare words of truth over myself, words that bring life.

When the misery of my un birthday began to set in I listened to these words…

…what a mystery that you notice me, in a crowd of ten thousand you don’t miss a thing, you see everything. I am seen and I am known by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. There is no place that I can go where your love cant find me, no place I can hide that you don’t see. There is no place I can fall that your love cant catch me. You see it all through the eyes of love. When I lose trust still you pursue…. a song by Amanda Cook.

I may be in a crowd of ten thousand but I am still seen. I am still loved, valued, cared for and pursued. Words of affirmation and not of condemnation. Words that remain true through any circumstances in life, on birthdays and un birthdays.

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