I feel like I am on a journey of unlearning all that I know, shedding religion and starting to walk in relationship with God. Over the past couple of months I have had so many revelation moments. Things that I am starting to see in the correct light and not in the dim shadow I have previously understood them to be. One of these revelations is this… My name is already written in the book of life. I have to work at getting my name blotted out of the book, I do not have to work to get my name into the book.
I have been taught that the love of God is a gift, it is free for all who want to step in to it. This is so very true, but it has been the case of being told one thing and then feeling that I have expectations placed upon me to do another thing. I have always been taught that I must be working hard, doing as much as I can in the church, attending this meeting, running this program, reading this, studying that… I became very good at doing. Working hard with the undercurrent thought that this will be my name sealed in the book of life. But because I was so busy working hard I was failing in spending time in intimacy and relationship with God. The actual truth is that there is nothing that I can do to be loved by Him any more than I already am and there is nothing I can do to lessen His love either. Gods love is unconditional. My relationship with God is not based on what I do but on what Jesus has done for me.
God does not love us based on our works. He wants us to stop performing and to stop working for righteousness and working for love. It will never be enough. He is just after our heart.
God wants to know you. He longs to come down and experience you. Not for you to fill your time up with doing and then coming to him and saying look at my long list of things that I have done for you but all the while all he was longing for was for you to sit and share with him, talk with him and pour out your heart and soul to him. To be transparent. Yes he knows all about you, he created you, he knows your innermost thoughts but He wants you to choose Him. He gave us free will, we are free to choose and I am sure you know how wonderfully special it is to be chosen.
I do not want to get to the end of my life and have Him say to me but I never knew you.
My name is already handwritten in the book of life. My focus is shifting from busying myself with works to opening myself up to His unconditional love. To being more vulnerable, more open, more honest, more loving. To entering into relationship and experiencing Him.